Through the haze that had enveloped the dreary atmosphere hovering over the desolate streets of Nulong, Christina could see that something was terribly wrong with her best friend. Inching towards Nadia at an increasingly rapid pace, Christina began to hear sobs of pain and anguish.
“Nadia!” Christina panickly quipped, “What is it sweetheart? What in the world is going on?”
Horrible scenarios of mayhem and chaos began to race through Christina’s mind as she anxiously awaited a response. The girls had been best friends since the first grade when Nadia moved to Nulong from a little town in southern Switzerland. If there was one thing Christina knew, it was that Nadia would never sit on a street corner – for the whole neighborhood to see – sobbing uncontrollably if it was not something really horrible. She was much too private of a person for that.
“Nadia, please, what is wrong?” Christina asked again as she sat down on the roadside wrapping her arms around her friend.
“I just can’t believe he did it.” Nadia managed to stutter out as she did her best to gain her composure enough to speak through the tears. “I am just totally devastated.”
“What? Who? Christopher?” Christina asked.
Christopher was Nadia’s husband of two years and Christina was hopeful that Nadia’s pain had nothing to do with him. The two were perfect together and happy, really happy.
“Yes!” Nadia screamed as another wave of pain obviously hit her heart.
By now Christina’s mind was drifting towards the worst of possibilities. There was only one thing she knew of that could bring this kind of pain to her friend. Nadia was a very strong woman who was not easily tossed by emotions and was not easily offended at the missteps of others. To be sure, he didn’t. Did he?
“Nadia, did…..did Christopher….,” Christina could not even bring herself to finish the question. “Did he…..um…..well,” she hesitated. “What did he do?”
Waiting with a knot in the pit of her stomach – afraid to hear the answer that Nadia would yield – Christina told herself to remain calm and be a rock of support to her friend. The suspense was killing her but she had to remain strong and calm.
“Nadia, honey, did Christopher cheat on you?” There! She did it. She managed to get the question out although she knew for sure the answer simply could not be yes. He was too good of a guy to do something like that. He loved Nadia more than anything and was a wonderful husband. He was a very committed Christian too. Christina just knew that Christopher could never do anything like that. Could he?
“No!” Nadia managed to squeak out. “But it sure feels like he did.”
Christina sat on the curb holding her best friend until the sobbing became a subtle whimper. As a woman, she knew that forcing a conversation in the middle of pain was the worst thing she could do. Instead, she waited patiently offering what moral support she could until her friend felt comforted enough to speak.
Still sniffling but trying to regain her composure, Nadia looked at her friend with a stare that simply broke Christina’s heart. Those now puffy, swollen, red eyes cried out for help. As the two ladies touched souls by the simple gaze of their eyes, Christina knew her friend was indeed suffering from a broken heart.
It was not long before Nadia felt calm enough to talk about the tragedy she had suffered earlier in the day. She cleared her throat, put her face in her hands, and took deep breath and said, “When I came in from my afternoon run, Christopher was looking at naked women on the computer. I startled him. He had not heard me come in. Apparently this is something he has been doing for a while now.” Nadia paused for a moment and took another deep breath before continuing. “He has been hiding it for a long time. How could I have been so stupid to not know?” Tears began to flow again.
After a few moments of no sound except for the heavy breathing that accompanies anguish, Nadia finally said, “This makes me feel so dirty and cheap. How can I ever let my husband see me in that way again? All I want to do is stay hidden and out of view of that perverted man!”
With that proclamation Christina broke her silence and scolded her friend. “Now look, Nadia! I have no doubt that the pain you are feeling is real, but to go so far as to call your husband a pervert? That is just a bit over dramatic don’t you think? Why, Christopher hasn’t done anything that all guys don’t do. They all look. After all, they were created that way. Didn’t you hear what the preacher said? He said men are stimulated visually and created to ogle. Don’t sweat it, hun. If there is one thing I know it is that Christopher loves you.”
While this story is fictitious, it is most definitely based on reality. All over the world scenarios such as this one play out every single day – men trapped in an ungodly bondage to pornography addiction dismissed away by the excuse: “we were created to look; you can’t expect us not to,” and women broken hearted and betrayed. It is a sad deception that the enemy has made to look like a truth. He has even been able to delude many a minister who has preached this ideology from the pulpit.
While it is true that men are stimulated visually – hence the reason the pornography business does billions of dollars of business a year – moreso than women, the question begs to be asked: were they really created that way? Were men created to be stimulated by the sight of the female body? To find the answer we must go back to creation.
“And the Lord God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living being. The Lord God planted a garden eastward in Eden, and there He put the man whom He had formed. And the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.’ And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.” (Genesis 2:7, 8, 18, 21, 22, 25 – emphasis added)
Now, if we stop the story right here we might could make the argument that men were indeed created to be stimulated by a woman’s body. After all, the woman’s body is so intrinsically different than a man’s and much more interesting to behold (as some have argued). The natural assumption would be that God created Eve to give Adam visual stimulation as a gift to him and that in their state of perfection it was okay and they were unashamed of it. But, the story does not end here.
“Now the serpent was more cunning than any beast of the field which the lord God had made. And he said to the woman, ‘Has God indeed said, “You shall not eat of every tree of the garden”?’ And the woman said to the serpent, ‘We may eat the fruit of the trees of the garden; but of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God has said, “You all not eat it, nor shall you touch it, lest you die.”’ Then the serpent said to the woman, ‘You will not surely die. For God knows that in the day you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.’ So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree desirable to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate. She also gave to her husband with her, and he ate. THEN THE EYE OF BOTH OF THEM WERE OPENED, AND THEY KNEW THAT THEY WERE NAKED; AND THEY SEWED FIG LEAVES TOGETHER AND MADE THEMSELVES COVERINGS.” – (Genesis 3:1-7, emphasis added)
Friends, Adam and Eve did not even know they were naked until AFTER they sinned and rebelled against God. Up until that moment, they were “naked and were not ashamed”. I am sure they obviously noticed the differences between their bodies and I am sure they enjoyed each others bodies because that is what they were created for. BEFORE sin there was nothing “dirty” or necessarily “alluring” about the physical body. There was no lust, no profane or perverted thoughts. There was only the beautiful expression of married love that was blessed and sanctioned by God. There was a mutual love and admiration for the physical bodies and both understood that the design of each was for purpose and function, not EROTICA. However, AFTER sin, the game changed. Lustful thoughts flooded the minds which in turn made the bodies seem “dirty”. The perversion towards the naked body had such an impact on them that immediately they felt shame and felt the need to “hide” behind coverings that would prevent the oglation of each other.
God did not create the female body to be looked upon with lust. God did not create the man to be visually stimulated. Visual stimulation and EROTICA (works having a sexual theme designed to create sexual desire) came into play only AFTER sin entered the world through Adam and Eve’s disobedience.
When God created Adam and Eve, He gave them permission to have passionate sexual encounters and to enjoy each other’s bodies in that way – without shame or guilt (Hebrews 13:4). Although they saw each other in their natural state of creation, the body was beheld in beauty, not erotica. Sin messed all that up and turned the human body into something it was not created to be.
So, while it is okay for a husband and wife to enjoy the beauty of each other’s bodies, to admire their design and to be stimulated to desire “oneness” through physical union – to long for those intimate moments of sexual connection – it is not okay to excuse away the behavior of a man’s wandering eye. Although men are indeed stimulated by sight – no one is denying the reality of that – it was only AFTER sin entered the picture that Adam even knew He was stimulated by that. Before sin, Adam was attracted to Eve for all kinds of reasons – the physical being only a small part. So, NO MORE EXCUSES! Men are to honor God in the purity of their hearts and cannot dismiss lust as “a normal part of their creation”. Ladies are to understand that the alluring prospects of erotica are demonically inspired. The female body is not something to be shown off or paraded on the stage of life. To do so is to partake in the evil that became evident at the temptation of man.
(***Although playful expressions are encouraged in marriage, even in the marriage bedroom, a couple must be very careful that the “oneness” principle of sexual union is not lost in the lustful expression of “viewing”. It is very easy to create paraphelias out of playful things and a husband and wife must be watchful to guard against such.***)